Still here, after all…

Well, I’m not sure anyone will bother reading this after such a long absence, but here I am.  So much has happened in the last few weeks and I think I needed some time to soak it in.  Around the time of my last post, I started having some heavy-duty pelvic pain.  I had been having discomfort on and off for the past 2 cycles but, since it ebbs and flows, I alternately ignored it or chalked it up to normal cycle discomfort.  But, the pain started to progress and it was undeniably different than what I had experienced before so I headed the the Ob/Gyn.

The first OB/Gyn I saw, on a Friday afternoon, responded to my inquiry (about a possible bladder infection?) barely listening to me, paying no attention to the symptoms I was reporting, ignoring an initially negative bladder culture, and sending me out of her office with an antibiotic prescription that I promptly threw away.  An acute pain episode over the weekend sent me back to a different Ob/Gyn on Monday. 2 ultrasounds (ah, yes, abdominal AND dildocam) later and the doc told me I am harboring 2 ovarian cysts that are, respectively, 6cm and 4cm. Double ouch.  Doc explained that it is not uncommon for cysts to develop abnormally, however, he is concerned that (based on how they look so far and other symptoms I described) these cysts are a sign of endometriosis.

And so we reviewed the options and my current TTC goals. Doc spent a lot of time with me and was generally very kind, though visibly baffled and mildly alarmed when my current insemination plan came up. At home?! How?!  After some education by me, he seemed to adjust but it is always unsettling to feel like you have to justify yourself to the professional who is supposed to be there to make you feel better.  For now, I am awaiting a follow-up ultrasound on the 28th just in case things resolve on their own.  If not, Doc will recommend laproscopy to remove the cysts and explore my inner world for endometrial lesions. His belief is that, if it is endometriosis, I will almost certainly need to pursue IVF.  I know this is not necessarily true but my mind is spinning trying to figure out how this will all unfold.

If I have the surgery, if it is endometriosis, do I go back to trying at home with KD?  For how long? Do I hightail it to the clinic and change directions which means buying sperm and so on? Will they make me IUI for several cycles first even though insurance won’t cover any fertility costs? How can I best steward our savings through all of this? Are all of these IVF Refund plans really what they promise? How on earth does anyone with a full-time job manage all these appts? Etc, etc, etc.

I’ve assuaged some of my anxiety with a visit to a naturopathic MD, making some diet/nutrition changes and spending the morning yesterday at a clothing optional soak/sauna wellness center near my house.  Yes, I’m pulling out all of the stops on my inner Portland hippie to help me cope. I’m a little cheerier than I was a week ago. So, that’s something.

Still, I only find myself back at the conclusion that I cannot control things that are 12 steps ahead.  And so, for now, we wait.